Nov 4th, 2024

Nov 4th

04 November 2024

09:30

…space…

1. Page 623 (Dec 17th, 2023)

(Past few days) The front view of Kian Egans…

• (Past few days) The front view of Kian Egans in my room sitting on my bed beside as me as he is signing something with his face turned to the left with the gently said words: I wanted to give you my autograph. He has short blonde hair and is dressed in a sleeveless printed off-white sweater over a full-sleeved white shirt tucked inside light brown pants. He looks joyful and has an expression that tells me that he felt good about giving me an autograph. I see how great he is that he think of exclusively coming to me to give me an autograph! The follow-up vision has us dancing a duet on a Westlife song, and as I wrote the previous phrase, I heard the following Westlife lyrics play:

I am gonna take this moment..

And make it last forever..

from the Westlife song Evergreen

…space…

2. Dream (Morning):

I see a person sitting on the floor inside a building and mopping it. When I enter into a room, I come across Deepak standing with the mop as he has the room half-moped. Apparently, he has the cleaner’s job in the building. He’s busy with something, perhaps talking, or perhaps he’s not well. I don’t recall if he asks me to mop in his pIace giving a reason or if I offered to mop listening to his reason, but I see myself taking the mop from him and beginning to mop the floor to complete the chore. I have not mopped sitting on the floor in this way for a long time since MSc when I would clean my hostel room in the same way (I used to keep it super clean.). As I’m nearing the end of mopping the room around the other end of the room, I see to my right him now standing dressed finely in a light pink shirt tucked inside black pants as he’s talking to Jema about something in a very thin voice that doesn’t seem to be resembling that of a man. I wonder why is he affecting his voice. Why does he want to sound like a girl or emulate that sensitive tone? I can see that he’s actually free as he’s talking to Jema and looks in good condition while he gave me his task of mopping. I then see him drop a tear as he’s talking to that lady. It makes me think that he’s complaining to the lady about me not having an affair with him, but it seems weird to me because is it not visible I am actually helping him out in his chore while he’s complaining about me not being with him. He drops down another tear. Not only he put me to mop in his place, but he is using the time he gained to dress up professionally and complain about me not being with him. Additionally, his tone seems affected and not natural. His behavior seems fake to me and this makes me think how he is trying to come across and fool me right in front of my face while complaining or sharing his (fake and affected grief) with that girl when I didn’t do anything wrong to him but only helped him mop. I wonder if it’s not enough that I am helping him out in his job and I don’t have to be in a romantic affair with him when I don’t even resonate with him in that zone. He doesn’t look at all grateful for me helping him out. And why is he crying about me not interacting with him in a certain zone of intimacy to that other lady while putting me to mop the floor in his place. It seems quite a deceptive form of behavior to me.

I then think how my perception of him would have been different if he was a rich person. Would he even be behaving in the same way for his motivations behind with me would be different, as I would no longer be coming from a financially better place. It seems to me that not only he’s trying to use me for my better position but as is apparent, he’s already put me to the physical work of mopping which was assigned to him. If he was a rich guy, it seems to me that he wouldn’t be even trying to deceive or guilt trip me into having something with him because of his current reasons, according to the perception of him that I already have built based on my observation of him. (A brief word about the past: He unexpectedly with a wide smile had said once in the theory lab 184 of MSB, when I was still going regularly to the dept, to have me hear his words: Har insaan pehle se uncha jana chahta hai. He said it shamelessly with the presence of a seared conscience inside him now clearly visible. So, all his attempts came across as him being someone who was trying to trap me using this or that means instead of being authentic while at the same time humiliating me. Har insaan pehle se uncha jana chahta hai: the statement isn’t true, but he made it clear openly that day that that is his motivation behind coming to trap me romantically as a poorer flying monkey while he doesn’t have any regard or respect for me as a person, and I could clearly see the lack of an authentic persona and love as time passed in the lab. So, what exactly was his motivation!?

So, that’s how I came to look at him – who only wants to use me for everything and leave me depleted of everything – my God-given individuality, my God-given dignity as a person, and physically tired and used with no regards to who I am or the fact that I am a person who gets hurt when sinned against and not a commodity to use to replace him for his job, though I did so in the dream out of a kind heart.)

The dream continued: As I am almost done mopping and see him dressed finely just to make a point to me as he sheds a tear while knowing that I am working in his place, I feel repelled by his deceptive and fake behavior as I see the romantic incompatibility between the two of us and how I don’t feel drawn to him at all in that zone, and it’s then that the song ‘Suno Na’ begins to play in my spirit as I begin to see a vision of Abhigyan from the movie Tum Bin in a red and white suit, inside a room with creamish walls dimly-lit in golden light, singing the Bollywood song Suno Na with the actual song heard by the listener, and as the vision now expands and begins to move to the right, I see the upper halves of several other men sitting on stools dressed exactly in red and white singing the song Suno Na. Though everyone is moving their mouths in synchrony with the song, it the actual song that continues to play uninterruptedly in the dream. The view continues to move to the right as I now see men in red and white suits with a red tie along with as well which reminds me of how I saw Elon Musk in one of the news articles – in the same red and white attire but with the addition of a tie. In the dream, this slot of people has everyone wearing red and white suits with a tie. I now see a clean-shaven Akshay Kumar with a pencil moustache in a red and white suit sitting on a stool in front of the wall singing the song. The view continues to move to the right with the main guy in red and white on the left while the others on the right in a different identical black suit over a colored shirt. The next slot has men again in red and white suits on stools with a round-faced and moustached and fat Tiku Talsania in red and white sitting singing as well as he looks at the viewer with a calm expression. The aura of the room I am seeing in the vision as everyone is singing that song together seems so authentically good and filled with love and by this time I am completely done with the mopping and stand up to leave the room. As I am walking towards the door, I see Deepak sitting behind a large dark brown wooden table with that girl. He’s sitting too relaxed as I look at how he ignored the fact that I walked past with the cleaning accessories after completing his chore. I notice that he has spread a large fluffed mop of a green cloth in an arc around their table. Apparently, it is to make the point that the floor needs to be mopped but it leaves me with more confusion and aversion as I know that he knows that I have already mopped the floor. So, why would he frame that situation falsely? Is it not an act of insult and disrespect for the job someone has already completed? I pick the cloth up and let him know that I’ve mopped the floor completely and asked him where should I put the mop and the bucket. He replies in a rude tone as if he’s ordering me to put it at a certain place which again leaves me confused, as was it not his chore that I helped him complete as he wasn’t able to do so? I reply back to him with a blunt and strong tone after seeing his countenance and behavior. All the replies I give back to him at this point are now spoken in that sharp blunt tone as I’ve concluded (yet again) that he’s an acting and deceptive user and abuser. I am not liking him at all now after witnessing this yet another reconfirmation of blatant wickedness that I had overlooked or forgotten when I offered to help him as he didn’t behave in a way similar to anything as he did later.

When I am out in the open, I see to my left a soiled ground with a short brick wall some meters ahead at the left end of which lie two turtles one behind the other, both facing to the right, with a lady in a printed tunic set with her hair tied low at the back standing near the wall’s edge with a wooden danda lifted high as she is about to hit the two from behind them. I see that the turtle on the left near the edge was my Turtlee. Before I can think further, she hits them hard with that danda because of which the one on the right dies while my turtlee stays untouched as the danda missed hitting it because of the angular lift in orientation when it hit the other turtle. I have a sudden sense of relief to see my Turtlee alive though I am sad for the other turtle’s death. The other turtle has gone still and looks retracted inside, looking shorter than my turtlee who is sitting relaxed and unaffected on the half wall behind him. When I am near the place of the incident, I am glad to see my turtle moving its neck around while the dead turtle’s body sits still with its neck drawn inwards. I get curious and pick the dead body as I observe it and see how the turtle’s eyes are still wide open and it’s still like a rock with its limbs retracted fully inside and not visible to the viewer at all. I feel sad about it being dead as it didn’t have to be dead. Why did the lady hit the turtle with a danda? And she did it smiling, not showing any kind of reluctance. As I look at the turtle’ I think how it had to be living, and not dead! As I look at its shell, I think about the shock it must have received, its shell which is a part of its skeleton itself, because of which it died instantly. I feel sad about the little innocent being as I am feeling grateful for my living Turtlee as well at the same time.

…space…

3. The Stoning and The Body Buried In The Ground

The square-faced man in beige and brown clothes on my right floats away with others as they then begin to throw something in my direction. It flies straight ahead and missing me hits Death Conqueror. The follow-up vision shows him in a white tunic set standing on the left side of the vision on a soiled street in front of a row of shops as he’s getting stoned by a group of people standing several meters away from him on the right. As he’s getting stoned, the vision moves parallelly down the ground as several meters down below is shown my body dressed in a purple t-shirt over black trousers. He is shown to receiving heavy hits as a voice says that he bled on the road and died.