Nov 8th, 2024

Nov 8th

08 November 2024

11:47

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1. Vision (Past week): A semi-animated small-framed vision of me sitting together with KA against a wall in the dark as we are having a conversation. I want to tell, as a part of being more authentic, this one core characteristic of me that if I was to reveal to others, would ruin all my bonds. I know that I don’t have to share it with him, but I also know that if don’t, then I would be hiding something important about me as a person. I already warn him about how I am actually scared of sharing this aspect of me with him as I don’t know what would be his reaction to the same, which is also what’s filling me with anxiety and worry as I am about to share it with him. With great caution, I tell him that I judge people a lot, about things that may seem natural or the perfect norm to them, but which come across as a great invisible character violation to me, but I hide or keep my judgments around certain traits in the background around the people I love. Those traits that I hide my judgments about are what I can tolerate about that person below my love bond with them. And little things about the other person, such as a curse word or a word carrying a morally negative connotation can come across as a huge character flaw to me. If I was to reveal every character aspect that I judged, no one would want to be friends with me. Only I looked at character behind the skin of the person and not in how they dressed because I didn’t perceive things from a sinful perspective or rather I was desensitized when it came to certain types of fitting clothing which seemed natural to me and not sinful as my eyes were clean. And then I share with him about how I was afraid that I was to share with him the things that I judged about him that it will ruin our bond and may actually come as a great shock to him. And as I am sharing my judging condition with him, the scene from the movie A Beautiful Mind where the actor sits with the actress in a green space below a tree and reveals to him the thoughts he never shares with anyone which could actually ruin his bond with her is highlighted to me, accompanied by the empathetic response of his wife as she encourages him to speak his mind and doesn’t hate him for doing so but instead shows compassion while not agreeing with him and kisses him.
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So far, the things that I judged in the people around me but didn’t make fuss about it because I knew they were an innate part of their persona confronting which I would lose my bond with them, those things or character traits have been the trait of vanity and a sense of connectedness to the objective world or being the part of the machinery of the world with an ignorant attitude, not being aware of the fact that what is seen is not of importance. So, if someone would be too engrossed in what they generally saw around them thinking of it as something of innate importance carrying meaning, or their worldly life in general, then I would judge even that at some corner of my perception though I may never reveal it because I don’t want to break the hearts of those people, but I judged worldliness and love for vanity along with blindly following religion in some cases. Those were the traits exhibited by my friends that I knew that I will never exhibit but I overlooked them or put them behind my perception as I knew that I wouldn’t find better friends than them character-wise for it’s hard to find good and honest people. They were great people otherwise in other aspects though they may be showing being comfortable with vanity and worldliness or being stuck in the world system. 

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2. Vision (Nov 6th, Night): A stubbled RS with straight neck-length hair in a suit sitting on vertically folded knees on the artificial grass in the dark of the night facing the spot that I sat earlier while having my dinner with little turtle present with me, as he’s sliding up yellow daal in his palm from the ground and licking the same. He then looks at the viewer and says (slightly paraphrased): Ab mujhe bharat ratan do! Tujhe kyu milega Bharat Ratan. Mujhe do.

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3. Vision (Nov 6th, Night): A semi-animated vision of a muscular and fluffed naked SRK in a dim-golden background with a metallic slave collar around his neck and chains holding him back as running towards the viewer, he says: Mujhe do Bharat Ratan!

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4. Vision (Nov 7th, Night): The back view of the upper halves of Finneas in a loose off-white shirt checkered in light brown standing on the left side with Billie on the right in what looks like a dark and loose sweatshirt with an open field in front of them with a short growth of hay top as it starts drizzling and they say happily looking up at the sky (sightly paraphrased): Wow, Look. Kartika is raining down on us. 

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5. (To be completed) Dream (Morning):  I am in a home that needs arrangement of the furniture lying around as I move from one location to another inside the home. My dad informs me to join along a family trip, but I am skeptical as I stay dirty and stinking. Meanwhile, I visit the department and find myself in the corridor outside the HOD office where I get to know that a trip to some mountain area is being organized, and knowing that it’s going to be my last trip with the people in the department, I want to give out my name for the same, but my dad’s plan of a family trip keeps me on hold. I am now in the corridor perpendicular to the Last trip organized by the dept that I could attend. Though I want to go on the same, but then my dad wants me to join a family trip somewhere else. As I am in the department, I see a stubbled Irfan Khan walking past by happily as he catches up with me and asks me to join along the trip. I 

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6. Vision (Nov 8th, Late Morning): A semi-animated vision of a muscled and clean-shaven SRK with smooth and shiny short hair in his metallic armor of platinum with intermittent regions of glowing skyblue LEDs – his look of the superhero character Ra.One from the movie Ra.One, in the background of a dark night as he’s shown picking up trash from the ground outside, and putting them into a bag of sackcloth.

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He picks up a lot of things as he’s shown saying to himself: it could be of use. He fills his entire bag of sackcloth of all possibly useful things following which raising an arm up, he flies up high in the dark night sky to God in Heaven as the vision shows the bottom view of Him going straight up as seen from the ground.

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The follow-up vision shows him having reached Heaven before God, as a giant Jesus in a loose off-white clothing with frizzy neck-length hair and a frizzy beard who takes a few steps towards him, having gotten up from His throne as He wants to see what the SRK Ra.One has brought to Him. The tiny SRK Ra.One empties his sackcloth bag in front of Him on the floor of Heaven and then the viewer sees trash of different kind, crumpled white balls, other wrappers and a lot of other things. Out of the bag walk out two tiny naked golden men. A tiny naked Akhila is then drawn next who’s shown to be consisting of dark metallic platinum with her long solid platinum hair falling at the back as she’s in a lying posture on her right side. In a flash, her legs change from platinum to wooden. As the viewer looks down at her, her heart inside the metallic body is visible from above and the vision focuses on trying to find out something visibly worthwhile constituting her heart, a piece of gold as it’s all dark metal. It takes a while of looking at her heart that I now see a very tiny bit of gold at the bottom of her heart which wasn’t there before, but it doesn’t seem to be enough, though it’s a reassurance that indeed, there’s some gold in her heart besides the platinum, which makes it a hard choice of whether to throw her, or keep her above with the golden men. The tiny bit of gold makes the decision hard.

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(Nov 8th, 2024)

The lady sings:

I wish I had a diamond heart!

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After writing the above, as I quickly went through it again, I saw an angled back view of the upper half of a lean and thin, dark and dusty short-heighted boy with frizzy hair standing on the ground in the dark of the night looking up at the sky.

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7. Kahan Kahan Kahan Kahan

Dream (Past two weeks): After moving around a bit, I am sitting with a book and a table in front of me in a room lit in white light as I abruptly begin to iterate: Kahan Kahan Kahan Kahan.. I continuously keep reiterating the word Kahan in a line without interrupting which is when I wake up.

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8. Arijit Singh Paints

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9. Vision (15:00 to 16:00): The front view of the dark upper half of a lady in a head wrap covering her head and shoulders over a tunic set in the background of a distant view of a circular playing field of a stadium with the audience seats above visible. 

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10. Vision (Afternoon) A small-framed semi-animated and almost parallel vision of the back view of little Turtlee walking up short but wide golden stairs up to Heaven.

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11. (18:31)

Shawn Mendes – Heart of Gold (Live From The Clubhouse Sessions)

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I stopped listening to the song to post it here as I felt a nudge to do so before going upstairs to grab what my dad brought to eat. I came across this YT video as a suggestion on my YT homepage. The title ‘Heart of Gold’ was what had caught my attention and then later the revelation #4 from earlier during the day that involved looking for a heart of gold in the platinum lady resembling Akhila was highlighted to me.   

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12. Feb 24th, 2024 (Page 686)

While I’m making tea, I see the stubbled upper…

• While I’m making tea, I see the stubbled upper half of a smiling Finneas dressed in a round neck plain white seamless tunic with two white angel wings at the back as he is rotating a person not visible in the vision in full circles holding that person’s hand above in the blue sky background of heaven with a few white clouds around. The vision contains such an extreme sense of Holy Love that I end up exclaiming: What a beautiful vision!
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13. Feb 26th, 2024 (Page 688)

Finneas dressed in an ankle-length white tunic stands in…

• Finneas dressed in an ankle-length white tunic stands in the center of the room with his back towards the viewer and his face turned to the left. When he turns towards the viewer, the shape of his unusually protruding lower belly through his tunic is visible after which he turns back to the front. (Called by my name.)

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14. Vision (19:49) As I close my eyes tapping my fingers below my chin trying to gather what I am to do next, I see: a small framed vision in my left mental sight of the side-view of the upper half of Finneas in a dark brown sweatshirt facing to the right in a dark background emulating my expression.